After a few published articles in a small (but national) magazine, www.wittenburgdoor.com - the only religious satire magazine that I know of, I have tried to tackle the organization of Scientology multiple times. But whenever my fingers start tapping on my old PowerBook with a missing shift key, I blank out. I cannot seem to satirize them for the same reason that I struggle to make fun of people like Pat Robertson: Where do you start? He makes himself look more ridiculous than even the best humorists.

I could link to xenutv.com and then laugh heartily at goofy scientologists trying to intimidate people. Documentaries accessible through video.google.com expose shady dealings and illegal financial gymnastics. But that’s not satire.

Perhaps most importantly, I could point out that if you go to scientology.org you will see just how ugly L. Ron Hubbard was. I mean, wow. It looks like Michael Jackson vomited up a pair of rabid hyenas, who then produced offspring that mutated into a man.

But that isn’t satire. It takes no work or creativity, because they essentially make fun of themselves. Since that is the situation, I will let them shoot their own selves in the foot. Note that from here on out my words are in bold. Starting……NOW!

From Scientology.org:

[On the name, Scientology] It comes from the Latin word “scio” meaning “knowing
in the fullest sense of the word” and the Greek word
“logos” meaning “study of.”

Not quite. I don’t know Latin, but I do know Attic and Koine Greek. Logos means “word” in it’s most basic usage. At best, it means “knowledge” in an idiomatic sense. Am I being overly picky? Yes. Am I being an ass? Yes. Why? to make you laugh. And then cry because an organization like this exists.

Fun fact: I once had this brilliant idea to fact check the various citations made by Scientology or its representative groups but ended up being so frustrated I had to stop. High Blood pressure runs in my family, after all. The reason I stopped: I couldn’t find a single fact that actually checked out.
    It leads me to believe that Scientology is actually Latin-Greek-made-up-hybrid-language for “make random facts up.” This would be even more ridiculous, because, as you can see, that sentence ends with a preposition. Shameful.

Another Fun Fact: Their precious e-meter is really a device similar to a galvanometer.
    This means it is very easy to beat their stress tests. Try it some time by either squeezing the handles a little bit when they  calibrate it, or concentrate on not moving your hands.
    When I beat the stress test, I had recently begun fighting Leukemia. Was I stressed? More than ever before. I guess Hubbard’s meter can only detect fake stress.

I’ll post more later. My head hurts.

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