So I just got word that an old friend from high school and college killed himself last week.

Obviously, my heart goes out to his family. I didn’t really know anyone that knew my friend and didn’t like him. He was absolutely brilliant, but he was so kind that you would never know it unless you got him near a computer. Then you would realize that his brain functioned on a different plane – he was *that* good as a programmer and thinker.

What I can’t help but think about right now is how much I hate death. I absolutely hate it.

Whether I am mourning and grieving along with everyone else, I am ministering to the family and friends of the deceased and officiating a funeral, or even if I am just doing the music for a memorial service, I am always struck by how much I hate death.

It was never really meant to be this way. Death is a curse on humanity. Granted, it is a deserved curse… but it is a curse nonetheless.

My fear is that, in our attempt to alleviate the pain we feel when someone we know dies, we try to explain death away. “It’s natural – just a part of life” or “God took them home” or “God wanted them in heaven with him” or some other nonsense. The Christianized versions of these statements aren’t actually Christian. Did you know that? The concept that God brings people up to him in heaven and that is where they reside forever doesn’t come from the New Testament. It comes from Plato and Socrates.

The Christian response to death, and my response to my friends death, is that I hate it. A lot. I feel sad and angry.

Now, that isn’t the end of the story, of course. Just like when Jesus died, that isn’t the end of the story. It’s odd that we call Good Friday good, when in fact it was a dark day for humanity. In and of itself, there really isn’t anything good about it.

But then Sunday comes, and there is Resurrection. New life. Physical life. The literal reversal of death itself.

That, my friends, is death redeemed. What is powerful about Christian spirituality is that I can call a bad thing bad. Death is bad.

But God redeems, just like he did on Sunday…

I have a strong sense of smell. When I was a kid, my mom couldn’t sneak candy in the car without me sniffing it out (and then asking for some). It’s a blessing and a curse.

When I walked into the theater last Friday at 11:30am to see “New Moon,” I noticed that someone sitting behind us had been drinking. I was initially surprised by the smell as it was still early in the day, but considering he and I were both likely being forced to watch the movie by our significant others, I couldn’t judge him.

About 20 minutes into the movie, I was *this* close to turning around and asking him for some of whatever he had. Yes, the movie was bad. The dialogue was tepid at best, the cinematography was mediocre, and the movie itself reeked of melodrama – worse than my friend behind me and whatever cheap bourbon he had been sucking down.

But that really didn’t bother me that much. I’ve seen bad movies before, and I have an active enough imagination to be entertained while watching even the worst fermented garbage that Hollywood throws at us. Like “Mom and Dad Save the World” with John Lovitz. That movie is terrible. Terribly awesome, but still terrible.

I found myself becoming more and more uncomfortable the longer I watched the movie. No, it wasn’t the gratuitous scenes of sculpted boys and men taking their shirts off, though there was plenty of that. It was with the movie’s heroine, Bella. Listening to her talk and watching her react to life’s twists and turns (I won’t spoil anything for you in case you particularly hate yourself and are going to see it) became harder and harder to bear.

The reason is due to her complete and utter dependence on Edward (and a little on Jacob, too). We all depend on people to some extent. I think it was Thomas Merton John Donne that said “No man is an island.” But Bella is so dependent that she spends months sitting in her room being depressed because Eddy isn’t around anymore. Like I said, melodrama. However, I am incredibly unnerved by how much her character needs Ed around to feel happy.

That whole “You complete me” nonsense in a relationship is literal poison.

If someone bases their sense of self and well-being on another person with whom they are involved, they are setting themselves up either for a quick and meaningless  or a volatile (and possibly violent) relationship. It’s dangerous, psychologically and emotionally.

And yet, this is exactly how Bella approaches her life. Her entire sense of self revolves around Ed-the-love-machine. In anything other than a movie (and book), this would be a recipe for an incredibly unhealthy relationship. But no, it’s a movie, so everything works out in the end. She gets the Ed she needs in order to survive, and everything works out.

My fear is this: Do we really want to act like being co-dependent is a good thing? That sounds like a horrible idea.

You can check out the book here. I’m not associated with Amazon, I don’t get a kick-back, and I have no idea if that’s the cheapest you’ll find it. I do, however, recommend this book to everyone. If the authors are right, and I think they are, we as a culture are in a lot of trouble.

The authors’ main concern is narcissism – the belief that you are more special, more valuable, and more entitled than other people. These are the obnoxious types that decide they can park wherever they want, regardless of silly things like “laws.” They tend not to care about other people’s feelings, because they are their number one priority. They rack up insane amounts of debt, because they deserve that house they can’t afford! And they like to talk about themselves. Not surprisingly, destructive relationships haunt them like ducks following someone with bread.

But that’s not why this book is important. I could have learned about narcissism from wikipedia (I think – I don’t feel like looking it up right now).

The Narcissism Epidemic opens its readers’ eyes to the shallow, dangerous levels of narcissism that that have infused our culture. For example, did you know clinical data suggests that telling kids they are special and emphasizing that they should love themselves most (ie, self-esteem) actually leads to less success later in life? I sure didn’t. Now I’m angry that I was forced to take a “self-esteem” class in the fourth grade.

I blame that class for all of my failures in life. Actually, a classic narcissistic trait is the tendency to blame others for your own failures. Oops.

The authors present a great little crash course in current pop-culture trends, which is helpful for those that might be a little behind the times and don’t have ready access to high school students. But that isn’t why you should read this book.

They also give a fabulous twist on the current financial crisis, proposing that the narcissistic tendency to feel entitled to things and materialism without having actually earned anything has led to our current mess. Their point didn’t surprise me, because it makes so much sense. Instead, it scares me. We as a culture are so willing to kill ourselves with debt because we have a fall sense of entitlement – I deserve that new/bigger/faster <insert here>, even though I can’t actually afford it.

Scary stuff. But that still isn’t why you should read this book.

Read this book because you care about our future. The authors give advice for how to manage the lethal levels of narcissism swirling around our lives, and what they have to say is important.

Or read the book for yourself, for the sake of helping you manage your own narcissistic tendencies. Treat it like a self-help book. That’s part of the reason why I read it, but then again, I’m a narcissist.

I think it was Bonhoeffer who said that the goal of meditation ought no to be focused on gaining profound intellectual insights or even deep spiritual experiences. Even if he didn’t say that and I’m really thinking of someone else, it sounds like something he would say. Instead, the goal of meditation is oriented around the act itself – the discipline of meditation. It doesn’t matter if one gains great insights into the Scriptures or has a profound spiritual experience. It’s all about the day-in day-out rhythm of the Scriptures and being faithful to its calling.

I hate that.

I like results. I like hitting a button and getting something in return. I like reading a book and knowing more than I did before I read it. I despise pointless exercises.

But – does that mean I judge something as ‘having a point’ based on what I immediately get out of it? That’s a scary thought, leading me to wonder if I am really more superficial than I’d like to believe.

Now I’m irritated.

Ok, the title isn’t not as epic as it sounds. I haven’t posted in forever, and at the end of each week, I kick myself for it. Why? Writing takes up a large portion of what I do for a living, and yet I can’t ever get myself to put together something as small as a blog post every other day. Absurd.

Maybe it’s like exercising. I used to hate working out, and now I do all the time. The trick was that I had to stop thinking about it as working out and actually develop a goal. So I chose triathlons, because why not? Swimming, biking, and running – not enough monotony to drive me nuts.

We’ll see if blogging is more like that. Of course, I need a goal, but we’ll see…

For OS X: This will allow you to add events by typing a few words and hitting enter. Then you get to watch as the new event(s) are magically synced to iCal.

What you need:

• gcalcli (and prereqs) -  http://code.google.com/p/gcalcli/ (don’t worry. installing these aren’t as difficult as it seems)
• gmail/gcal account
• ical
• Script Editor (comes with your Mac)
• Calaboration – http://code.google.com/p/calaboration/

Install gcalcli using the instructions on the site – when you get it working, make sure you remember where you put the actual file “gcalcli.”

Now you need to get your google calendar and iCal synced up. Install Calaboration and run it after you have a good calendar set up. This will then configure iCal to work and sync with gCal. It should go fairly easily.

Here’s the juicy part. Google Calendar has a slick “quick add” feature that will parse through and interpret text that you enter. For example, if I type “meeting with boss on tues at 8am” it will set up an event called “meeting with boss” to occur at 8am the following Tues. In this case, it would be the 20th of January. You can also add things like “from 8am to 2pm,” and when you use the word “at,” it will even set up the location. Very cool stuff.

So we are going to create a very small Applescript to send such a bit of text to gcal with ease. Here’s the code:


on run

   repeat

      display dialog "Enter event information:" default answer ""

      set eventInfo to text returned of result

      do shell script "/usr/bin/gcalcli --user YOURUSERNAME --pw YOURPASSWORD quick \"" eventInfo & "\""

   end repeat

 

end run

You can test the script by hitting the “run” button and checking your google calendar.

The only important part here is that the stuff after “do shell script” has to be one line, though it is OK if it wraps. the /usr/bin part before “gcalcli” might change depending on where you installed it, and you will need to enter your username and password (no quotes). Fire up GCal when you test the script, and you should know if it is working. Then open iCal, and voila! It is stored locally too!

Once the script is working correctly, you can save it as an application in the “Save” dialog, and then launch it like any other application. I like to use spotlight to launch it, for quicker access.

If you have a bunch of events to add with chunks of the same text (like an event title that is the same but with changing dates), you should be able to just paste it into the script without a problem. Enjoy!

I mean, I guess that’s almost a buck off……

Until recently, I used to feel a bit ashamed to talk about the fact that I have leukemia when I met someone new (or even in normal conversation). This puzzled me. It’s an intense thing to find out about someone, to be sure, but why should I be afraid to bring it up? I’m the guy with cancer, after all.

After thinking about it for a while, I typically hesitated because I did not want to be that type that always seems to have something to complain about. It’s so hard to actually get to know someone like that, and I can imagine the reverse is true, as well.

You know the type. Drama, drama, drama.

This, of course, makes it all the more confusing when someone asks me how I am. “Well, I puked my guts out last night,” can come across as aggressive, at least in its openness and honesty. But then again, is that my problem? They’re the ones that asked…

I have leukemia. It sucks some times, though occasionally I don’t even think about it. But I don’t see the point in not bringing it up when it is on my mind, especially if I think I am trying to protect someone’s feelings or am afraid of their reaction.

I remember in high school youth group we had to respond to this particular situation: What two things would you take with you if you woke up with your room was on fire?

It was hilarious, in retrospect, because we all had to be very pious. This meant that our first item was our Bibles, followed by the one item that we really wanted to keep from getting torched. Give me a break. Our Bibles? Unless this is a 200 year old Bible that has been in a family for that long, I somehow doubt that any one of us would have cared at all about the ten-dollar Bible sitting under a pile of dirty laundry.

Of course, by answering such, we all appeared very well behaved and spiritual in front of everyone else. And we perpetuated the stigma that one can only be a part of the group if you were very pious, or at the very least, can fake it really well. We tended toward the latter.

It wasn’t until college that I heard the first accurate response to that question. My friend, Stephen, answered with, “My pants.” After all, we tend to sleep without pants, and if we have to watch the firemen try to save what’s left of our house or protect the houses around us, then it’s probably best to do so with our pants on.

I was traveling around Lake Tahoe and taking pictures, but I kept getting distracted and would occasionally forget to adjust my circular polarizer (lens filter). I’m glad I did, because it gave me a chance to see the difference between using it correctly and forgetting to rotate it. Check this out:

(Top – Without rotating) (Bottom – With Rotating)

I think the difference speaks for itself.