Tentatio

struggle, spirituality, absurdity

Category: Cancer Thoughts (page 2 of 2)

Life is pain. Accept that and start living.

Happiness in life doesn’t come from attaining something. Striving, seeking, hard work, and extreme dedication will only earn you more of the same.

Happiness itself is really just a myth. A friend’s 10-year-old son died in a helicopter accident a few weeks ago. I will fight leukemia for the rest of my life. People are forced to live in a cyclically defeating system known as “poverty.”

All of life is absurd, and it hangs by a thread.

And yet, there is something very peaceful in that awareness. Contentment is truer joy. Being content with life means that you accept that which you cannot control.

The sooner we agree that life is hard, full of struggle, quiet desperation, pain, frustration and sadness, the sooner we can actually live our lives. Stop trying to avoid pain, and you can embrace it. If you embrace pain, you embrace life.

That is Tentatio. It is inevitable struggle, but its existence does not ensure a life dominated by pain. In fact, it guarantees a certain freedom from it.

10 Observations After Getting Leukemia

1. The next time I hear someone bitching about their $7 coffee, I am going to hit them with a wet cat.

Why? Because once you’ve had a 6-gauge needle jammed into the back of your pelvis which then sucks marrow out of the bone in a way that echoes to all of your limbs, all $7 coffees taste damn good.

2. When someone spends more time at a gym than they do at home, you know what my first thought is?

I KNOW I can puke farther than they can. Where are all of your sit-ups now?

3. Without intervention, I would have died between 3 and six months after diagnosis. A breakthrough drug saved my life and continues to do so.

Two weeks after diagnosis my close friend and mentor died instantly in an electrical accident.

Life is far more precious and fragile than any of us realize.

4. I have met people expecting their infant daughter not to live past her first year. As it were, she didn’t.

Be thankful for what you have. After all, you have today, and that’s pretty good.

5. If I am being an ass, and someone calls me on it, I can wrap my arms around myself and moan, “ooohhhhh my leukemia….”

Most of the time this works, with the exception of my wife.

6. I am not afraid of much anymore, with two exceptions:
– Spiders. I hate those things.
– Giuliani becoming president.

In fact, my meds and that second fear are the only things that make me consistently vomit.

7. Take a moment. Chew your food; sip your wine.

Very little is worth the stress it causes.

8. I guarantee that you will not find much contentment by looking inward. Inward is where the problem is. Look outside, toward others.

Of course, also realize the benefit to awareness is seeing how completely absurd and batshit insane the world is.

9. Everything is meaningless, but in a strictly anti-nihilistic way. In other words, once we admit that, we can finally start living.

10. There are few things more therapeutic than a glass of wine, your wife by your side, and a laptop in front of you with every lolcat on the internets displayed for your pleasure.

I would say this was a lesson in simplicity, but cats, women, and wine are all far from simple things.

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